Sarah is the single mother of Tiernan, a very rambunctious teenage boy. Tiernan is exceptionally smart, funny, and caring — but also, inexplicably socially awkward. Though very close through his formative years, their strong mother-and-son bond is tested when he dates his first serious girlfriend and experiences one of life’s greatest difficulties – heartbreak…
Three-hundred seventeen dollars. Money never felt so worthless in Sarah’s hands. It was enough to pay the month’s electric bill and almost a full semester of school lunches for Tiernan, her only child, and high school senior. In fact, it was more cash than she had physically held in the past several months, maybe even the last couple of years. Now, its value gone, more particularly, its intended purpose. Without an earnest meaning, it was just a surreal mixture of cotton and linen, nothing she could dry her eyes with.
She counted the bills once again — three hundred seventeen — probably far fewer tears than she had cried in the last half hour. Sobbing uncontrollably in the most sincere sympathy a mother could feel for her beloved child. No matter his age, Kiernan was still her boy and would always be her son. Really no different in her heart than when he was a newborn or a toddler, those bittersweet years in preschool, and through the many fond times in elementary. The same held true through a roller coaster middle school experience and now as a young man. She was his sole provider and protector, something that would not be an exception — even in this very trying situation.
Three-hundred seventeen dollars really wasn’t much in the grand scheme of things. But, to Tiernan, it represented everything in his pre-adult life. Proof positive of his love and devotion to his first true love — Danielle. For nearly the past two years, the two had been inseparable. Sharing a few key characteristics but also being different in some of the most important ways, making them a pretty good match.
The cash Sarah sullied with her dampened hands was meant for a promise ring. A simple piece of jewelry she and her son picked out for his first serious girlfriend months before. Week after week, he put a little aside from his part-time job, dedicating a portion of his meager paycheck to the planned purchase. Sarah kept the cash stashed away in her room, just as she had promised Tiernan, who was afraid he might be tempted to spend some or all of it sooner. All of this time and effort for a gift he would never have the opportunity to give.
But, she couldn’t torture herself any longer. Sarah had to be there for her boy. She put the money back in its hiding place because Tiernan was due home soon enough. Though she had already cried her eyes out over the very shocking and sad news, being a source of strength would have to come first. After all, he somehow managed to make it through an entire work shift without much of a dinner, even though the end of something so special blindsided him so very abruptly. Sarah could only imagine how her son was coping on his drive home. Just what was he experiencing?
Tiernan could only lament his unfortunate situation as he got behind the wheel. In an instant, all those shared sweet declarations were suddenly sour — lost to an irretrievable, now cruel past life. He could barely pay attention to the road ahead or traffic around him. Intersection lights seemed obnoxiously bright, somehow taunting him to run through the red and exploit his uncorked angst. It was almost as if a deadly dare lie around every turn.
‘Why?’ He thought over and over again. There wasn’t any readily conspicuous rhyme or reason to what had just happened minutes ago. No, well over an hour. No, wait, almost five hours since. Tiernan inexplicably lost track of time for what seemed like the first time in his life.
Danielle was his entire world. There simply wasn’t anything or anywhere that didn’t include her. Nothing. Now, without any warning, without so much as an inkling, the world was completely different, bereft of purpose. But, he kept driving, hoping home would provide some semblance of comfort. Eerie, strange feelings swirled within the entire drive.
Sarah had long ago wrestled with the same feeling. But, she found her purpose in Tiernan, even though his father, her ex, could never be convinced of such a basic idea. Now, her son, her precious boy, had to suffer from nearly an identical situation — something neither of them deserved. Still, life must go on, particularly for those with such important responsibilities. The time have gotten away from her, and it was only about ten minutes before he was due home.
She rushed into his room, intent on ridding it of bad memories. Flashbacks flooded her mind with no filter. Sarah remembered past events as if they unfolded only yesterday — painfully putting away joy-filled photos, pictures of a once happy couple, never to purposely look upon them again. Physical images that would remain stuffed away under various mundane belongings and lose their quality, their moments, to an irreversible past.
But, unlike her experiences, many, many years ago, there were no physicalities. Not a single 3 x 5, or 4 x 6 — there wasn’t even the once obligatory 8 x 10 on the dresser. Kids. None of them had a true conception of what life was like many years before. An almost long-forgotten period when she so desperately struggled from one moment to the next, reluctantly closing a chapter that would never come to any sort of acceptable resolution. Though her memory wasn’t perfect, she clearly recalled the gut-wrenching feeling of taking down photos from the mirror on her bedroom dresser. And the overwhelming sadness of placing those same pictures into the bottom drawer, where they stayed for at least a year.
Sarah scanned Tiernan’s room for any other memorabilia, coming to the realization none existed. Teens lived nearly their entire waking moments in a digital world. Sure, he had a few trophies and ribbons from sports events from years ago. But those extracurricular activities no longer interested her son. In fact, his part-time job occupied practically all of his free time. A peculiar relief comforted her — she wouldn’t have to worry about those types of hurtful reminders for her child.
Although, he would pull into the driveway at any moment. Sarah rushed to put together a small plate to eat — some of his favorites. If there’s one thing teenage boys have plenty of, it’s an appetite.
“No, thanks Mom,” Tiernan said, brushing past her, head down, attempting to conceal his tears, something she hadn’t seen since early elementary when he fell on the playground during recess and broke his right arm. That was in the second grade, just a couple of weeks before his eighth birthday, eleven years ago — over a decade — he had not shed a single tear since.
Sarah understood but couldn’t accept his rebuff. “I know, let’s break out some ice cream, we’ve got your favorite brand of Neapolitan. Plus, there’s a fresh tub of whipped topping in the fridge.” Tiernan declined once again and walked straight into his room. But Sarah wouldn’t leave him alone — at least, not just yet. She followed momentarily, with a bowl of ice cream in hand.
“No thank you,” Tiernan said as she entered, sitting at his desk, staring at a blank screen on his laptop. “I appreciate it, I’m just not really in the mood,” he explained, powering on the device, keeping his back to her, with his head slightly down.
Sarah nodded, watching the display, waiting to see what came up first. The home screen appeared. And for the first time in quite a while, it wasn’t littered with app icons. Instead, the shortcuts were neatly organized into the bottom right corner and the wallpaper was a selfie of Tiernan and Danielle.
He quickly launched the settings menu and promptly deleted the image. Something Sarah hadn’t thought of a short time ago when previously hunting for reminders to get rid of before. She placed the bowl of the delicious dessert on his desk and told him she’ll leave it there and come back in a little while to check on him. Sarah left her son’s room distraught but respected the fact he needed time alone.
Now, the clock slowed to a cruel crawl, minutes taking longer and longer to tick by, even when she tried her best to stay busy with distractions. Sarah attempted not to look at the time but it became so unreal, that she couldn’t resist sneaking a peek. Somehow, she managed to preoccupy herself for a full forty-one minutes. That was definitely enough time and she headed back to Tiernan’s room.
But, before she could even get near the door, the shower came on. This was totally out of the ordinary but the sound was unmistakable. Although, this time, as the water ran, it wasn’t accompanied by humming or singing. Sarah could not recall the last time (if ever) her son showered without an impromptu a cappella tune. Eager to engage, she rushed into his room to recover the snack she left behind.
The bowl was still full. Melted ice cream and whipped topping slushed about as she picked it up off the desk. He hadn’t enjoyed a bit of the dessert. She took the messy bowl into the kitchen, cleaned and rinsed it out, before putting it in the dishwasher. As she closed the appliance, Tiernan’s door closed simultaneously, startling Sarah. Then, the light gleaming from under his door went dark. He had bathed and gone to bed.
Sarah barely slept that night. Her mind was constantly thinking about things to say to her son. Between the anxiety and heartache, the night was mostly restless and she got up earlier than usual, knowing it was futile to stay in bed.
But, this presented a prime opportunity. She started making breakfast for two when she heard the shower again — perfect timing. When breakfast was done, he’d just be getting dressed. She went about cooking, even putting on some music in the background to help lighten the mood. Then, as she started to set the table, the front door opened and shut. Tiernan got into his car and drove off to school without eating anything and worst of all, without saying goodbye.
Sarah’s heart hurt from all the disappointment. But, she couldn’t sulk and put her son’s unprecedented actions down to life lessons for both of them. The workday didn’t bring any real distraction. It was tedious and dull as if she didn’t have enough to cope with. During a quick break, she logged onto Tiernan’s lunch money account only to see there were no new transactions posted — he skipped lunch — almost three meals missed. Shocked, Sarah checked again, but he hadn’t bought anything and his lunch period was over a half-hour ago. What’s more, he had to work again right after school, so that was his only opportunity to grab something to eat.
The day continued to drag by in the most frustrating way possible. Before it was officially over, Sarah snuck out early, giving herself enough time to stop by the grocery store and stock up on Tiernan’s favorite foods. As soon as she got home, she put away the groceries and started looking over the menus from his most-liked restaurants. Thankfully, she got an unexpected text. His shift ended early and he was already on his way home.
Sarah waited as patiently as she could muster, doing little odd chores to pass the time. She knew confronting her son would only cause him to pull away, so she nervously continued preoccupying herself, pretending she didn’t notice him come in — she had to let him come to her. But her intuition told her this wasn’t right for such a set of circumstances. So, Sarah walked into Tiernan’s bedroom, where he was unpacking his bookbag, getting ready to do his homework, as usual.
“I’m glad you’re off work early today, we can have anything for dinner you want,” she said, desperately hoping for a verbal response. Instead, Tiernan continued to take out various books, some paper notes, and his laptop, merely shrugging his shoulders, acknowledging his mother’s offer but refusing to speak. He went about settling into his desk, moving things around, and trying to concentrate. But he couldn’t keep up the facade any longer.
“Spring break retreat,” he said, trying to hold back tears, as emotion clearly welled up inside. He wiped his eyes and sunk into his chair, aimlessly moving items around his desk. Sarah didn’t respond right away, she didn’t want to unintentionally interrupt and ruin the moment he started to open up in nearly two days. So, she quietly sat down on the corner of his bed, waiting patiently. Several uncomfortable moments passed between them before he repeated himself.
“Spring break retreat? I don’t understand. You stayed home this year.” Sarah paused, resisting the urge to expound on her quick-witted observation. Going on would most definitely risk the delicate moment, something she had learned the hard way over the years. The conversation had to flow at his pace, regardless of how much she wanted to continue talking.
“I know. But Danielle did go,” Tiernan replied snidely, shaking his head with a decidedly bad attitude, turning away from her.
Uh oh. Sarah knew she was on the verge of triggering a very unnecessary and quite unproductive mother-son fight. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, hoping it would be enough for him to overcome his impulse to shut down. An agonizing silence ensued, during which she clutched her hands together and intentionally clamped her top teeth over her bottom lip. Again, she waited for her son to speak, looking about the room, so as not to stare.
“It happened on spring break retreat,” Tiernan said, his eyes tearing up. Wiping his face, he continued, “She met another guy during the week. He goes to the same high school she just transferred to today. I mean, that’s why I was buying her a promise ring. We had it all worked out. Since she had to transfer to get the dual enrollment credits for her college degree, we’d meet a few nights a week and on the weekends.”
Sarah just nodded, acknowledging her boy and letting him continue to vent.
“I gave you the money and was going to surprise her with the ring last night. But, just before I got to work, she sent me a text… telling me it was over. I replied but she didn’t answer. I sent a DM a little while later and phoned her on my break, but she just ghosted me.”
Sarah could barely keep her composure. A text. A lousy, impersonal, inconsiderate text? Danielle had always been so very sweet. She was a genuine pleasure. They’d gone shopping together, went to a couple of girl movies, volunteered with one another at the local animal shelter, had their hair and nails done a few times — like a real mother-daughter relationship. ‘And she ends it with a text?’ Sarah thought angrily. But, she couldn’t let her indignation get the best of her.
“Danny said it was too much for her to say to me face-to-face,” he said, grabbing his phone and staring at the screen, his hands visibly trembling, with tears starting to stream down his face. “It’s almost like she had the whole thing planned out. Get the transfer well before spring break. Meet up with some dude and have a great time while I stayed home. Then just move on with her new life at a new school with a new boyfriend,” Tiernan said, his voice cracking.
Sarah tried to sort it all out. She could understand Danny’s desire to avoid a big, unpleasant, and sad scene. But, it wasn’t like her. Or, was it? Maybe Sarah had her all wrong the entire time she dated her son. The anger began to rise yet again but she had to keep calm and stay focused. “Maybe she was just too scared to tell you. I’m not sure, but I do know this isn’t a reflection on you. It’s a reflection on her, and a poor one at that.” Sarah panicked, she didn’t mean to let the last part slip out. But Tiernan understood what his mom meant.
She leaned over and gave her boy a hug, weeping onto his shoulder. Then, she stood up and wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, and proclaimed it was time for dinner. But Tiernan declined, stating that he didn’t have much of an appetite. Sarah prodded, telling him it was natural to feel that way, given what happened. However, she explained it’s not so much about what he ate but that he ate, ate something, anything.
Though Tiernan reluctantly agreed, he barely touched his dinner, just grazing, eating a few small bites, and nothing more. Although Sarah was worried he had not eaten much, she was happy to see him eat a little and that was enough to help her get through the rest of the evening. At least, until Tiernan finished his homework and took a shower. He seemed so very obviously sad, which made Sarah’s heart feel undeniably heavy. She wanted to do something for him but knew there wasn’t anything that would magically make his pain go away.
He stayed mostly in his room through the evening and went to bed a bit early for a normal school night. A few hours later, about an hour before midnight, Sarah heard something vaguely familiar coming from his room — subtle sobbing, crying quietly into his pillow until he finally fell asleep. Not long after, Sarah readied herself for bed, only to be startled by a sudden, loud notification coming from her phone. In all the chaos, she forgot to turn on the do-not-disturb mode. She quickly picked up the device, trying to silence it as soon as possible in order to avoid waking up Tiernan.
It was a text; a message from Danielle. Sarah couldn’t believe her eyes. She checked to make sure it was really from Danny. It was pretty brief. Danielle told Sarah how bad she felt about breaking off her relationship with Tiernan. Danny explained she didn’t want to hurt her son and also did not want to give him false hope about reconciling. Although Sarah understood Danielle’s predicament, she felt very upset but kept her composure. Sarah stayed as tactful as she could muster, replying pragmatically.
Yet, she fumed inside with rage. How dare Danny be so insensitive, so callus, so very selfish toward her one and only son? Sarah desperately wrestled with an impulse to smash her phone over her dresser or her nightstand. But that wasn’t helpful or sensible. In fact, such an urge would only cause her a lot of precious time, effort, and money — three things she could not afford to waste. So, Sarah redirected her outrage and did the same as her troubled boy, but upped the ante by balling freely until her anguish dissipated. Her mother’s heart overwhelmed but assuredly resilient in the long run, enough to give her the strength to get through the short-term.
Still, Sarah weathered another restless, nearly sleepless night followed by a very, completely surreal day. Tiernan ate a few pieces of fruit at breakfast, though not nearly enough to renew a high school boy’s energy, particularly after a highly emotional night. She didn’t tell him about Danny’s text, not wanting to upset him anymore.
Tiernan hardly made a sound that morning, not uttering a word to his mother. The wounds were too fresh, the shock too recent. After he drove to school, Sarah got ready for work. The entire day was nothing less than surreal, she felt like everything was on some type of weird autopilot, but at least it was Friday. Sarah prayed the weekend would be a lot more kind and provide a key reprieve from the drama-heavy days prior.
When she arrived home from work, Tiernan was already in his bedroom, sitting at his desk with the door open, homework spread across his bed nearby. But, when Sarah said hello, he didn’t even look up. Perhaps he didn’t hear. She approached and stood just outside the door, staying silent for a moment. Sarah realized he wasn’t actually doing anything — just sitting and staring, fidgeting on and off now and again.
“How was school today?” She asked, hoping for a positive response. Tiernan only muttered, nodding his head. Sarah wouldn’t push but strategically disengaged, until dinner time. When the meal was ready, she called out to her son and like the night before, ate very little. He kept his head down most of the time, his demeanor sullen and somber.
This could be the beginning of an unhealthy, unproductive cycle that might last several more days — even longer, Sarah thought. Still, she kept to herself, giving him the space he seemed to need. And yet again, he returned to his room after eating little, only stepping out to shower and go to bed. Sarah definitely didn’t want to endure another long night. But, if it would somehow help to stay out of the way, that was okay with her, though most assuredly, not ideal.
Sarah went to bed early for a Friday, hoping she’d catch up on some much-needed missed sleep. Although her mind was racing, she couldn’t stay awake and nodded off to sleep. After a few hours, she awoke, thirsty, something quite unusual. But then again, so were these last couple of days. As she walked toward the kitchen, a dim light flickered in the living room.
Curious, Sarah poked her head around the corner only to see Tiernan watching television. Obviously, he couldn’t sleep. She continued into the kitchen, poured and drank a glass of water, then asked Tiernan if he was thirsty or if he’d like a snack. He didn’t answer, so she decided to pop a bag of popcorn in the microwave. Sarah walked into the living room with a bowl of freshly popped popcorn in one hand and a glass of lemonade in the other.
She sat next to her boy. “Here ya go,” she said, putting the bowl right in front of him and the lemonade next to it. Again, he didn’t say a word. He flipped through the apps on the TV with the remote, then chose an old comedy movie, one of their favorites of all time. He reached over and grabbed a handful of popcorn, then took a big drink from the glass. Neither of them said a word, they just watched, laughing at the first funny scene together. Tiernan moved closer to his mother and put his arm around her. They watched the movie and stayed up for a little while longer, chatting about anything and everything – even Danielle.
The next morning, both slept in late. It was one of the greatest long-night sleeps Sarah had in many years. When she woke, the pleasing aroma of a fresh-made breakfast greeted her. Sarah and Tiernan enjoyed the meal, sharing a pleasant and light-hearted conversation with a few jokes in between. They agreed to spend the day together and had a great time.
When they arrived home in the early evening, Tiernan got a text. It was from a girl at school, inviting him to join her and a few friends for a fun night on the town. “What do you think mom, should I go?”
“I think it would be great!” Sarah replied, happy to see him in such a good mood once again. Now that he was over the initial heartache, her son could resume his normal life and that’s all that mattered to her.
Tiernan got ready in record time. He rushed out the door, not stopping to say goodbye. Sarah could hear his car start and thought, ‘That’s just the way teenage boys are, I suppose.’ Then suddenly, Tiernan came back through the front door.
“Oh, I almost forgot, here’s something I picked up for you,” Tiernan said, handing his mother a small gift bag. “I hope you don’t mind, but I found your hiding spot.”
Sarah opened the bag pulling out the tissue paper that covered an oblong box. She carefully took off the lid, revealing a shiny necklace. “It’s beautiful!” She exclaimed, dangling it from the tips of her fingers, letting it twist and glisten against the lights.
“The pendant is a double birthstone, one for your month and one for mine,” Tiernan explained.
“That is so very sweet; I hope you didn’t spend too…”
“Don’t worry, I had more than enough left over to get some replacement earbuds, mine haven’t been working very well for a while now. Plus, there’s still plenty for a mother-son Sunday brunch date, if you’re interested?”
Tiernan gave his mother a big hug, whispering, “Thank you. Thanks for always being there, Mom. I love you.” Sarah squeezed her boy tightly, as tears of joy streamed down her face. She said a quick thank you prayer in her head before gently replying, “I love you too!”
